In his Tinder profile, he looks quite mature and fun, like in a well-travelled and adventurous kind of way. In one of them, he’s wearing one of those white Panama hats in front of what looks to be like the Mediterranean Sea.
Something I’ve always wanted to do is get out on more boats myself. This could be someone interesting I could do that with … I think to myself.
It says he’s my age in his bio, but in his photos, he looks older than me. Maybe it’s stress of some kind? Or perhaps he’s older IRL (in real life)? Who knows.
It also says he’s lived in the Middle East – Bahrain. I look that up (sorry Bahrainis) and find out it’s close to Qatar, a small coastal country that seems like Dubai. How exotic, I think.
I swipe right.
We match, and he messages shortly after with a very simple “Hey, how’s it going? 😊” message. I answer him not long after, and he soon asks me if I’d like to meet for a coffee/ drink.
I agree, and a few days later we’re sitting across from each other sipping on cocktails, an Aperol Spritz for me and a Cuba Libre for him (it was after 7 pm, and I do my best to stick to my ‘no coffee after 5 pm’ rule).
Like his profile, he seems pretty mature (tick) and he’s pretty easy and pleasant to talk to (another tick). He tells me what he does for a living, how long he’s been single and online dating for, where he’s from … about his dog who passed away not too long ago. “Oh yes, you had a picture of him in your bio,” I recall.
“I put that there as a tribute to him,” he says. How sweet, I think.
After quite an enjoyable first rendezvous, I was quite excited when he asked to have dinner a few days later. He went all out and reserved a table for us with an incredible sea view as well.
As I headed home though, after date number two, something struck me: I knew how many siblings he had, what his parents did for work, how old they were, where they lived, about his nephews, his sister, and what countries he’d lived in, that he liked comedy, even though it’s “sexist” (yup, major eye roll). But he knew none of that about me – he just didn’t ask questions to find out that info as we chatted over pasta, Italian Pinot Grigio and fresh sea air.
He’s pretty nice though, so I’ll see him again and just see how it goes, I thought to myself.
After our fourth date, he left to go visit his family to celebrate his birthday for a week. I wasn’t sure how communication would go while he was away, but I thought this could be an opportunity to get to know him in a different way. I was also hoping we’d even take the texting up a level and have an actual phone call. Do people even do that anymore?
A few days after he’d been away, he texts me a bunch of pictures from his day on the golf course, followed by a “Hope you’re good 😊” text.
We texted back and forth a bit, about a few messages a day from there.
Towards the end of the week, he sends me a selfie of him with a simple “Hi” text and asks to have a phone call. I suggest a time. He doesn’t answer … “Sorry I got tied up doing a couple of things here!” he writes two hours after the suggested time.
Couldn’t he have written that before? And why didn’t he ask if another time works for the call?
I then started scrolling through our messages and realized that he hadn’t asked me a single question while he was away. I looked more closely at our conversation. There it was, written before me in the form of WhatsApp messages.
I had asked him a number of questions – how his birthday was, if he was enjoying spending time away, if he was working remotely whilst there, if his days were going well…
He, on the other hand, had asked me a BIG FAT ZERO questions.
OK, he pretty much stood me up for a phone call he asked me to have, and also didn’t really seem to care how my week was going at all.
I then thought about how I’d feel going home after our dates – like I knew much more about him then he did about me. It all felt too strange, and I started to wonder why that was, and why he had just skirted around having a phone call with me.
Is he self-centered? Just wanting to get laid? Socially awkward maybe? Or maybe he just didn’t care – he certainly didn’t care enough to ask much about me, I pondered.
… all I know is: I want my man to be interested in getting to know me and show genuine interest in how I’m doing. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask much for!
So I told him we’re likely better off as friends. He asked why (finally a question😅), and I was honest and said it didn’t feel like we were connecting all that well, and that I would have liked more questions from him.
He replied saying he had had a busy week … you know, that oh-so-famous “too busy” excuse.
(because sending a quick “how are you doing” text takes all of 30 seconds, right?)
I didn’t buy it, not for a second. I want a man that I know cares about me, and also one that makes time to chat with me if we can’t see each other in person. I also want someone who is interested in getting to know me and does not just talk about themselves (narcissist alert?). So, while he may have been fun, pretty mature and adventurous, this guy just wasn’t for me.
A few days later, I booked a few boat trips with friends.
And the swiping continues…