Tonight I was watching The Holiday, a rom-com about two girls who swap houses over Christmas. They both have gone through breakups and are looking to change their environments in an attempt to escape from their heartbreaks.
It’s a pretty good movie, and I do recommend it if you’re single and looking for something light-hearted. I actually paused the movie halfway through to write this blog post as a few of the characters are writers. I was reminded that I am a writer as well. “I am, too, but I haven’t written a blog post in a while,” I thought before I ended up at my desk.
So here we go.
I haven’t written in a while because I feel unsure about what to write when it comes to the third guy I saw as a potential husband. Let’s just say being single isn’t always easy, and online dating isn’t either.
I sometimes wonder if these dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are ruining our lives. People can be so rude on them … and they create this notion of never-ending choice. Is it even possible for people who use these apps for a number of years to be in committed relationships anymore?
But let me tell you about potential husband # 3, and this one really wasn’t black and white.
We met on Tinder … his bio said, “let’s hang out” and in one of his photos he was sitting on a grey sofa with his arms around what looked to be a white miniature poodle. You know one of those cute, curly haired fur balls with super bright eyes. I’m not gonna lie: the photo melted my heart. He looks fun, I thought, and swiped right.
We meet for a drink a few days later and I really enjoy chatting with him. I find out that he’s a manager and that he’s been single for a few months, just like me. He likes to work out and does boxing. He also likes fine food and wine and knows about sooo many good restaurants.
Over the next while … month and a half or so … we go on a number of dates and, like I predicted from his photos, our time together is fun for the most part. He introduces me to some amazing restaurants—his treat!
On date five I go to his apartment. As soon as I step in the door, I notice a happy photo of him and a pretty girl, who definitely looks like an ex, on one of his living-room shelves. I ask him about that, and he suggests we talk about it over dinner. Of course, I say.
He cooks me the most amazing salmon on a bed of creamy mashed potatoes surrounded by cherry tomatoes and garlic. Absolutely divine. I bring the wine, a sparkling rosé from France’s Saumur region in the Loire Valley. The pinkish colour pairs perfectly with his amazing salmon dish.
Wow, he’s such a good cook, I think to myself as I savour every bite. His cooking skills were pretty darn impressive. “So, should we talk about the photo?” he eventually asks.
“Sure,” I say, trying not to devourer one of the most delicious, tender salmon filets I’ve ever tasted too quickly.
I learn that the woman in the photo is, like I guessed, a past girlfriend, and that she unfortunately took her own life. As he tells me the devastating story, I learn more about him and admire who he is … how he still makes room for her in his life and genuinely cared for her (they weren’t together when she made that choice). I see his heart … I see that he’s a well meaning, compassionate person who really did want to help her.
I also wonder if he’s truly over her, but maybe given the circumstances, that’s not something he’ll ever “be over”. And why do we always want people to “be over” their exes, I ponder to myself. Is that even possible?
We all have a past.
After a few more pleasant dates, I went abroad for a few weeks. By then I kind of knew that our very short-lived relationship was nothing more than a fun fling. And one of the reasons I’ve been putting off writing this post of is because there was nothing glaring about him per-say that made me come to that decision.
He was super sweet—he took me out to many nice restaurants, paid all the time and treated me pretty well (like a lady, as some would say 😉). He was a bit of an aggressive driver, but I think he could have changed that.
This one was more a feeling I had when I was with him. I didn’t feel like he “got me” at times when I spoke; it almost felt like we were from different worlds (and we kind of were, having grown up in different countries). I didn’t feel fully understood when we chatted. I just couldn’t picture our lives meshing because of how different we were.
So this is the story of potential husband number # 3, a not-so-straightforward one for sure. Sometimes the decision of whether or not to be with someone is not easy. While someone may seem to have all or most of the aspects you’re looking for, it’s also super super important to feel good around them and understood as well—am I right?
So I trusted my gut feeling with this one, as we always should.
Now back to The Holiday …
Wishing you a fabulous Christmas 🎄